At times I find myself looking at a beautiful girl and thinking “hmm, she’s really nice and beautiful, nice body and all. Her character and personality are not what would compliment mine and there could be a conflict because of our possible different beliefs. Oh well, I guess if I wasn’t looking for something serious and to get married soon, I’d date her….”
This kind of thinking is the very thought process that I would wish to eradicate from myself and all other men, especially young men. Lucky enough, when I have such a thought or anything similar I quickly correct myself of this wrong and I am reminded of the fact that this is why there’s a shortage of what we can call ‘real men’. And speaking of the term ‘real men’, I find it rather appalling that we have to define men as being real and ‘not real’ (with the lack for a better word).Sometimes there even seem to be degrees to being a man as you find people saying things like “Y is less of a man than Z”, #wonder what measurements they use for this.. I would believe that when the Great Architect made men He did not plan on having two distinct types of men or different degrees for that matter, but one type of man, men that are true in all their thoughts, words and deeds. Unfortunately, due to the entrance of sin into the world, we find ourselves in a situation where two types of men exist (or different degrees), one real and the other, seemingly not real…
Now back to the point of one dating someone just for the fun of it..Correct me if I am wrong, but I’d say most men in nowadays think this way. I find myself speaking to some of my ‘friends’ and you would hear a guy say “I’m telling you dude, I know I have been playing around with the last couple of girls but I’m serious about this girl.” It really breaks my heart when I think about this whole issue and I wish that I, myself, could not be implicated in all this in any way, but unfortunately I have been guilty of such thinking more than once. If only we as men, whether young or old knew how much heartache and pain we bring into this world through those mediocre relationships.
You find a girl and boy, woman and man in a relationship that bears the similitude of marriage. I mean, some of the people live under the same roof (even if they both have their very own apartments), have sexual intercourse and they do every single thing a married couple would do except maybe say “we are married” or introduce the other as husband or wife. Some relationships are less intense but still portray the image of a married couple to the unknowing stranger.
The more of these meaningless relationships we get into, the more we hurt ourselves and hurt the women we get involved with. With most women, when they lie down and have sex with a man, they consciously give a part of themselves to a man, emotionally and otherwise. I have also found this to be true with men, but the only difference is that most men do it to a lesser extent as they are “usually” less emotional and most do it subconsciously. Essentially, what all this boils down to is that, whether you have a fling, one night stand or you are “just having fun”, we all lose a part of ourselves in all this. At the end of the day we have damaged goods all around. Meaningless relationships become an addiction and norm such that when one gets married, “the serious life” of marriage gets boring. You find a person craving for that meaningless sexual affection, wanting to be held for one single night and wake up the next morning not having to worry about being told about any responsibilities to this ‘fun person’. A life seemingly void of all responsibilities and consequences is what we seek, wanting to get into something that is not serious and just have fun…Unfortunately, all that does not exist, there is no cause without effect, consequences are sure to come. Innocent babies are born into these relationships without love, relationships only filled with lust and a mere liking for each other or perhaps just each other’s bodies. These meaningless relationships like bad habits and addictions as also carried into marriage and that sacred institute is tainted and damaged, all because we do not want anything serious. “If I wasn’t looking for anything serious, I would date her”…be careful, with that statement you have already put one foot inside the door and soon all you may want and find is ‘something not serious’.
I call to all men, real or not, young and old, please if you do not plan to marry a woman, to respect and love her as God does…to cherish and to hold…stay away! You are damaging both her and yourself…Let us be the change gentlemen!
mkhonto85 